Everything I'm Not
by hpfan99
Summary: She was everything i'm not. Mabye that's why he chose her. But the thing is, i really loved him. Though of course, all the girls in school would claim to love James Potter...This story is about a girl who loved James Potter. Plz read and review...


**A/N:When i was listening to music, i just thought of a story and just had to write it down. Hope you like it. It's about a girl called Lauren who was in love with James Potter. After you read, please review...I wanna know what you think, even if you think it stinks.  
I decided to improve this story like, capitalising the "I"s and putting song lyrics into it just to make it a bit more better...Hope you like the new version...**

**Disclaimer: _I don't own anything except Lauren Miller and the plot of the story... The origional Harry Potter characters belongs to J.K Rowling and the song lyrics aren't mine..._**

**Hope you enjoy...

* * *

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Everything I'm Not

She was everything I'm not. Mabye that's why he chose her.

But the thing is thatI really loved him.

Of course, during my time in Hogwarts, all the girls in school would claim to love James Potter.

ButI really was in love with him.

I mean, what isn't there to love? Quidditch Captain, Head Boy, popular, smartest person in our year, kind, thoughtful and one of the Marauders.

But the other girls didn't know whatI knew about him. It wasn't love at first sight or anything but it happened kind of gradually but not that slow.

It was years ago butI can still remember as if it was yesterday...

I was one of his best friends during all our seven years at Hogwarts.

The Marauders andI met on the train.

I didn't know where to sit, soI just opened a compartment door and went inside and sat down, as it was empty.

Few minutes later, four boys who looked my age burst into the compartment.

One was very handsome with a strand of hair falling elegantly in his face.

The next one had sandy colored hair and was good looking.

The other one was shorter than the others and had a rat-like appearance and had a foul odour coming from him. I screwed up my nose at this.

The last one was James. He had messy black hair with thin glasses. He was taller than the others and he had beautiful hazel eyes, with a sparkle in them. He was just as handsome as the first boy but in a different way.

"Hey, mind if we sit here?"The first boy asked.

I shook my head.

He stuck out his hand and said,"I'm Sirius Black, he's James Potter, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew."

He pointed to each of them.

"I'm Lauren Miller."I said, shyly.

They all smiled at me and sat down.

And then, something just happened as if there was a magical bond between us. Well, I guess there was. But what happened was, we just became friends and that was the best thing that had ever happened to me.

I was brought up in an orphanage and hadn't realised i was a pureblood witch.

I knew my parents had been murdered. But now, i know it was a certain wizard called,"Lord Voldemort."

Anyway, getting on with the story, After that, we were best friends.

* * *

We went everywhere together, we planned pranks together. They were my friends and that was all I could ask for.

But as time went on,I started falling for James in third year.

But then, every girl claimed to be in love with him too. But it wasn't the handsome face and popularity I fell for. It was his sense of humor, his hazel eyes and his speciality thatI hopelessly fell in love with.

There was lots of pretty girls after him butI was nothing special. Just blonde/brown hair, grey eyes and pale skin. He once told me thatI was beautiful. ButI don't think he might have meant it in that special way. Or even if he had, it didn't last very long.

* * *

I was trying to work up the courage to ask him out. Every night in private,I would practice on asking him out but messing up.

But in fourth year,I finally got it. I would ask him to go to Hogsmeade with me.

The next morning,I planned to ask him after breakfast.

We were chatting andI was starting to get confident, when it happened. When James was snatched from my grap.

"Woah! Look at Evans! She's changed!"He blurted out, suddenly.

I turned my head, sharply to see. Then,I saw her.

Last year, it had been frizzy ginger haired bookworm, Lily Evans but that year, it was deep red haired pretty Lily Evans with sparkling green eyes.

All eyes were on her. That didn't bother me but what actually did was that, she had James' attention. The attention that he had never given me.

I watched as he was the first to rise and go to her. He looked around, his eyes focusing at the guys, as if saying,"She's mine and if any of you ask her out, you're dead meat."

They understood that and quickly turned their attention to something else, not wanting to face the wrath of James Potter.

Then, that was when. He asked her out. Something that he had never done before. Something he never done to me.

I watched as my heart pound. But to my relief, she said,"No."

I was secretly pleased but when he came back looking sad,I pretended to feel sorry for him.

* * *

After that, he never hung out that much with me and spent most of the time asking her out, breaking my heart, everytime.

But he didn't know thatI loved him and he was tearing my heart into pieces. He never realised.

I heard all the insults that she threw at him. Immature, bullying toerag, childish, idiot, arrogant.

I hated her for hurting him like that. I hated her for stealing all his attention.

She didn't know the real him. She didn't understand him. She didn't understand his nature. She was too wrapped up in her fantasy guy that she would never get.

If you want my opinion,James was too good for her. But Miss Queen Bee didn't know that. She thought to much of herself.

I think that, not becauseI hate her but because it is the simple truth.

Of course, she was a teacher's pet, too. I'm not bragging or anything butI was always doing better than her butI got less credit.

She was simply born that way. She'd just take someone's attention. Even the some of the Slytherins, even though they would not admit it.

It carried on like that until seventh year. I kept trying to get James to pay attention to me. I did my hair in different ways, wore different clothes, tried to be different.

But it never worked. Infact, he didn't even noticeI was changing. Changing, trying to be his dream girl. He didn't even notice he was breaking my heart, everyday.

He'd always notice Evans, of course. But then,I remebered, she's everything i'm not.

_If I cut my hair,  
If I change my clothes,  
Will you notice me?  
If I bite my lip If i say hello,  
Will you notice me?

* * *

_

Then, in seventh year, it happened. My world that had threatened to break had finally come crashing down.

When we met on the platform,I didn't even recognise him.

He was dressed solemly and the sparkle in his eyes were barely there. It wasn't gone but you couldn't totally see it. The most extrodinary thing was he had a gleaming Head Boy badge on his sweater.

We were all suprised. Well,I wasn't all that suprised. I always saw the quality in him. Something that Evans never saw.

But it wasn't all that great. It wasn't James is Head Boy, We're in sixth year, happy happy happy. James had completely changed.

He went from a mischievious, happy Marauder to a serious, rule keeping Head Boy.

Sirius, Remus andI weren't pleased with the change. He barely hung out with us. He never made jokes and never did, well...anything fun, to make us laugh.

ButI didn't stop loving him. I believedI could change him into the fun loving person he used to be.

But no.

* * *

One night, James came back into the common room, looking extremely happy.

"Hey, Laurie."He said, cheerfully, using my nickname. My heart fluttered at these words.

"H-hey."I replied.

He was smiling so hard that,I thought face would be stuck like that, permanently.

"What's making you so happy?"I asked, curiously.

"Oh. A little something. You'll find out tomorrow."He said, mysteriously.

With that, he left the common room.

I kept wondering what was so special.

I was stupid enough to think he might ask me out!

_You were all the things I thought I knew And I thought we could be...

* * *

_

The next day, after breakfast, people were lining up to go to hogsmead.

Remus, Sirius andI were waiting for James where we usually met.

Few minutes later, he turned up. But not alone.

He was with...Evans.

His arms were around her and they were smiling at each other.

Remus and Sirius seemed happy, as they were bouncing up and down congratulating them and asking them, jokingly, when the wedding would be. I pretendedI was happy.

I just waited becauseI believed that they wouldn't last. ButI was wrong.

Nearly at the end of the year, they announced something.

They were getting married.

All the teachers looked happy, so did everyone else.

ButI couldn't.

I couldn't pretend, anymore...

I began to cry. Cry and cry helplessly. Everyone looked at me.

Sirius spoke first."Aw! Look, Laurie is happy for Jamsie! So happy she's crying!"

Everyone laughed and people offered me their napkins.

I couldn't take it anymore. I kept crying. People started getting worried.

"Lauren, are you sick?"This was spoken by Evans.

Then,I burst out. I cracked.

"YES, I'M SICK! SICK OF YOU! SICK OF YOU HAVING JAMES WHEN I'VE LOVED HIM FOR NEARLY ALL THESE YEARS! SICK OF THE FACT THAT NO ONE CARES HOW I FEEL! I'M SICK OF IT!"

Everyone stared. I could feel James' eyes boring into me.

Dumbledore spoke."Miss Miller. How dare you ruin this happy moment? You will have a month of detention. I ask you to leave at once."

This scared everyone. No one had heard Dumbledore be so angry before.

It didn't scare me. It just made me hate everything, even more.

"With pleasure, old man! I wouldn't be here if you begged me!"I yelled.

With that,I stormed out of the hall, running as fast asI could. Leaving people shocked and staring after me.

I ran and ran. I finally ended up at Hogsmead.

I went into the Hog's Head, instead of the Three Broomsticks. I ordered a firewhiskey. I kept ordering, one after one.

Everything seemed kind of blank, after that.

Apparently,I had passed out and was unconcious for three weeks.

* * *

When i woke up, my head felt like it was splitting.

But i could make out six people infront of me. Sirius, Remus, James, Lily, Dumbledore and McGonagall.

I stepped out of the bed.

Without, looking at anyone,I walked out. I heard footsteps running after. James'.

"Laurie! What are you doing!"He catched up with me and caught me. I merely looked at him.

He looked at me."Listen. I'm sorryI didn't notice you liked me butI really love Lily. I'm sorry we weren't ever together but that would have been really weird. Listen, we want you to be the maid of honour."

I glared at him."James. Choose. Me or Evans. If you choose me, we can still be friends if you want. If you choose Evans, our seven years of friendship? GONE."

James looked shocked. He stood still. He finally spoke."You can't tell me to choose. I love Lily andI value your friendship. But ifI had to, I won't break up with Lily"

I hardened."Well, then, that's it then. We're not friends, anymore."

He glared at me, angrily."You're being so immature! I would still be your friend, even ifI am marrying Lily! But as you decided to be a selfish bitch, then,I guess it's all over!"

I got mad."WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, POTTER! I DON'T GIVE A SHIT! THAT'S IT! I'M OUT OF YOUR LIFE. FOREVER! BUT LET ME TELL YOU ONE THING! YOU WOULDN'T HAVE NEEDED TO CHANGE FOR ME! I LOVED YOU JUST THE WAY YOU WERE!"

With that,I walked away. Walked away from the love of my life. Walked away from our seven years of friendship.

Those were actually the last wordsI said to him before the end of our life at Hogwarts. After that, no one bothered speaking to me. Not Sirius. Not Remus. I had no one. For the first time,I couldn't wait get out of Hogwarts.

* * *

After the graduation ceremony,I spotted James, Remus, Sirius and Evans. I walked up to them.

They turned around. When they saw me, they glared at me.

ButI showed no emotion on my face. I tried to ignore the pain in my heart as James' glare bored into me.

I took a deep breath.

"Listen,I just wanted to say goodbye. I apologise for the thingsI said and did."

Their eyes were still hard and glaring. But Icontinued just for the sake of it.

"I'm going away. This is probably the last time you'll ever see me. Mabye we'll meet someday, mabye we won't. But anyway,I want you guys to have a happy life."

They kind of softened.

"Where are you going?"Remus asked.

I just shook my head and walked away, ignoring the voices calling after me.

That was the last timeI ever saw James, Lily or Sirius.

* * *

After a few weeks,I moved to the sea side. I bought a small house and lived alone.

I heard that James and Lily were happily married and had a baby on the way.

I was bitter at hearing that Lily had the life that I'd always wanted...

ButI let that feeling go. At least James was happy.

No one bothered contacting me, not even the ones who used to be my friends.

But one day, a letter came from Remus.

The letter that haunted me and still haunts me, now.

It said that the Potters had been murdered by Lord Voldemort and was betrayed by Sirius Black...

* * *

So,I stand here by the cliff at Lily and James' funeral.

I do not believe that Sirius betrayed them butI have no proof of that. Even Remus seems to think Sirius betrayed James and Lily.

I heard that their son, Harry, had been sent away to muggles. I wish him luck.

I stand here,alone, as these memories come flooding back.

Tears are streaming down my cheeks.

I sigh.

I let the last tear drop and wipe my eyes.

Iwalk away...

* * *

_You were everything, everything that I wanted _

_We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it _

_And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away _

_All this time you were pretending _

_So much for my happy ending

* * *

A/N: Well, that was kind of long. I hope you enjoyed it... please review and tell me what you think..._


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